Sunday, March 14, 2010

Stuck in the middle

In The Middle writes: "Oscar" and I have been married for three years. We have had many ups and downs and a few near-separations, but we're now on a better path and working hard on our relationship.
Because my friends have seen the rocky times Oscar and I have been through, they are not as nice to him as I'd like. In particular, this applies to my best friend, "Tish," and her husband.
I have tried many times to get us together on double dates, but they always refuse. They socialize with other couples, but refuse to associate with Oscar and me beyond birthday and holiday celebrations.
I'd love to have my friends and my husband all together for other social functions. What can I do, if anything? -- IN THE MIDDLE IN SOUTH CAROLINA

Dear In the Middle,

I understand your dilemma. On one hand, your friend wants better for you because she has seen Oscar treat you poorly. However, as your friend, she should support you in your choice of mate despite her own opinion. I would suggest not venting to Tish when you and Oscar have difficulties. Though rough times are inevitable between couples, it can do more damage than good in this situation for you to tell Tish about them. Keep things light and airy with Tish. Avoid talking about Oscar with her unless she asks and then keep it positive and brief. You can continue to invite Tish and her husband to social events with Oscar and you but don't put any pressure on them to come. Hopefully in time, Tish and her husband will decide to give it another try and seeing how happy you and Oscar are together they can feel comfortable building a "couple's" friendship.

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