Cutting Ties

Sad in Ohio writes: I'm a 58-year-old woman who has been married 40 years. I married at 18, put my husband through school and raised three children.
We have now been separated five years, after I found out that my husband had had numerous affairs. The last one lasted three years and I had no idea. During his last affair, he had the woman in our home and told her personal things about me. He lied and told her we were getting a divorce.
We have not divorced. Financially it would be hard. I can't seem to get over the pain and hurt. He still calls to see if I am OK. I continually visualize him with the other women. Thirty-five years is a long time, and he's the only man I have ever known.
I want to get over him, but it's hard. I now work full-time. My husband constantly sought women who admired his power and status in the community. I don't think I can ever get over his hurting me so. I tried counseling. It didn't work. He continues to call, which keeps me hanging. Should I break all ties? Is that what's holding me back? -- SAD IN OHIO

Dear Sad,
I find that many times with situations like this the person knows deep down what they need to do, they just need a little reassurance. You have told me that his calls "keep you hanging" and then asked if you should break all ties? The answer is, yes. But, you already knew that. I think you are completely correct about your husband keeping you close by continuing contact. The only way you will be free mentally, physically, and spiritually is to release yourself and be free from his influence. If you can find it in yourself to make this change I think you will start to see some healthy and positive differences in your life begin to occur.