Thursday, April 15, 2010

In-laws Make Themselves at Home

Stuck in the Southwest writes: My in-laws (whom I love dearly) moved to another state after retirement, and when they come to visit they always stay with us. They own a house next door that is occupied by their daughter, and they also have another child living nearby.
How can I politely suggest that they stay in their own house with their daughter or with the other child? Both have the space to accommodate them. I work very early morning hours and don't want to disturb them, but they pretty much take over our house when they are here. I don't know if the other children offer them a place to stay or not, but I'm tired of having them here every time they visit. -- STUCK IN THE SOUTHWEST

Dear Stuck,

What does your spouse say about it? I would think this is something your spouse should discuss with your in-laws rather than you doing so. Given that the sister of your spouse lives right next door I imagine you both have frequent contact with her. Why not ask her to host this next time and ask the other sibling to do it the time after. It seems fair that taking turns hosting is the way to approach these visits. Once the decision is made to take turns, this can be expressed to your in-laws in a way that everyone wants their equal share of having them stay with them. Doing it this way will make sure your in-laws don't feel they are unwanted by you.
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  1. One of my husband's relatives will choose to stay with us instead of my husband's sister when she comes. It's not a problem for me, which is good. Your post made me think about why, though. My sister-in-law has issues with her husband and is often a moody person. Everyone just uses the reason of us having a guest room as the reason why the relative stays with us, but I think it's primarily because she's comfortable in our home and knows she would not be comfortable in my husband's sister's home; and the sister-in-law would be grouchy and uncomfortable too.

  2. It is so gracious of you to offer up your home to your husband's relatives. Your situation sounds like a win-win considering it doesn't bother you at all to have them there and the relatives like staying with you. I agree that many times home situations can make for uncomfortable visitations from relatives.

  3. Just checking in. Hope all is well. :)

  4. Best wishes for a peaceful and fulfilling new year.